blindsided

Chaos. It's everywhere. We do what we can to organize it but not matter what, we are constantly, constantly blindsided.

a lesson on life and love

Life. Four letters. One syllable. This is supposed to be easy, isn't it? That word is so simple, but carries such a heavy meaning. A meaning we often take for granted. Life. What a blessing. 

Life isn't always fair. It hurts, it stings, and it brings us down to our knees. My good friend just lost his baby girl. She was stillborn. A perfect, beautiful little girl didn't get to breathe her first breath.

What pain and sadness. What frustration! What heart-ache. I am completely unable to fathom how this is possible. Her parents were good, they were ready to take that baby girl and raise her in a good home. But they left the hospital with an empty car seat and returned home alone. So many babies are born into families of poverty and abuse. Parents who don't want babies get to have them and parents who would give all they had for children, do home to an empty crib. 

As I looked at pictures of my friend carrying his baby girl's casket with his wife walking close, I can't help but ponder as to why these things happen. But then I read her blog and her testimony and her faith and her humility touch me so deeply. She posted this incredible quote:

"One’s life … cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free. …Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, ‘Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!’ …Real faith … is required to endure this necessary but painful developmental process." 

Neal A. Maxwell

My testimony has grown. May faith has strengthened. My heart is so full and I am so grateful for my friends their perfect angel baby that was sent to earth to receive a body then taken home to be with her Heavenly Father. She has taught me to love. To appreciate more. To trust more. To have more righteous desires. To rely on our Savior and His atonement. To remember life is special. I only hope that I can become worthy to enter the kingdom of my Father in Heaven. I hope I can strive each day to be worthy to be a mother in Zion.

This song is beautiful and really has spoken to me through this whole thing:

october reading challenge

i know it's late, but i still want to do the october reading challenge. why? because october is a month dedicated to fear. how cool is that?

i love being scared. haunted houses, scary movies, horror stories. yep. love. so, for october i am participating in the reading challenge.

it is as follows:

i must finish the following scary classics by october 31, 2012-


        henrik ibsen's ghosts. a sixty page play.

the legend of sleepy hollow by irving washington

three of the classic tales by the grimm brothers (haven't decided which ones yet...)

frankenstein by mary shelley

and finish it off with my personal favorite, bram stoker's dracula

i am most excited. to me, october should be celebrated correctly. if you don't like to be scared...i will cry tears for you tonight as i sleep. join me in the challenge.

feel inside

sometimes...i think too much about everything. and by sometimes, i mean every freaking time. i over analyze, i try too hard and i usually make a mess of it. so, in light of my new favorite song, i have decided to 'feel inside...and stuff like that.' please listen to this song. immediately. stop right now and listen to it. now.

so good? right? i used to be afraid of 'feeling' anything. i would force myself to hold back tears because i didn't want to be weak and show emotion. well, that changed. feelings are given to us, to guide us. i have noticed that when i have a certain feeling...following it and acting upon it is always the best response!

although emotions can be taken to an extreme...and we can lose control sometimes, feeling emotion is God-like. we of course should be careful to always be in tune with our emotions and listen to that inner voice because more often than not, that inner voice is the Holy Ghost telling us exactly what we need to do.

some say the Spirit can be tricky, i used to brush feelings aside saying that it was just me telling myself that. but here's a big however. HOWEVER, when we are living righteously and striving to do all the Lord asks of us, that inner voice is always right because we have completely aligned ourselves with God's will. the gospel is simple, the Spirit is not tricky...it is easy, open-access if we live righteously and feel inside...and stuff like that.

to know about the above-mentioned song...watch the interviews.

one more year

in a few short weeks, i will be starting my last year as an undergrad at brigham young university.

              i am excited, nervous, sad and happy.

many people are under the impression that i don't love byu-provo as much as byu-hawaii. well, it's true.


this place will always be my 'hometown'

but, byu-provo has been an amazing-amazing experience. i have never grown or learned so much as in these last four years. although i am sad to be moving on, i am excited to have one more year.

one more year of quiet lunches in the moa cafe.


one more year of falling asleep on random benches

one more year of nervously entering teachers' offices

one more year of running into old and new friends





one more year of buying an ice cream cone at this place when i have had a bad day (or a good day, for that matter)

one more year of studying in the science section of the library
because i believe the science books will emit
an aura that will make me smarter. 

 one more year of trudging through cold snow, but knowing it's worth it because i can reward myself with hot chocolate

one more year of walking around the harris fine arts center staring at artwork i can't begin to understand

one more year of finding an empty practice room after my night classes and singing at the top of my lungs

one more year of good test scores and bad test scores

one more year of fantastic devotionals and forums

one more year to grow

one more year to be learning at a beautiful school

one more year of little moments that make life worth the journey


one more year of happiness-directly ahead.

this video is amazing...i cry...

my cool cousins

i have a really cool cousin named scott edward, who has a really cool wife named erika rae. (this be them...stolen from her blog)

       
            why are they cool? oh, no reason, they just live in england and go to cambridge. am i totes jeal-y? yep. so, i have decided to be like them.     


how?

                       next summer i am going to do one of two options:

1) apply for direct enrollment for cambridge and live here

and graduate in august.




or



2) graduate in april and move here

for this program and get my m.f.a









let's hope one of these happens.

july fourth, part 2

my brother is a cadet in the u.s. air force. once he graduates, he will be an enlisted officer. my grandfather was an ensign in the navy during wwII and my other grandfather was a marine and stormed the beaches of normandy.each of these men have been more than willing to fight for a higher cause. they don't/didn't do it for the glory...because, let's be honest, our government is getting less supportive of the troops each day. the don't/didn't do it for the money...there is so little money in it. but they did/do it. 

  to me, there is nothing more honorable than fighting for your freedoms and more importantly, the freedoms of others. it was seen in american history, french history, (well, pretty much every country's history) the book of mormon, everywhere.

and to be completely honest, when i see those men and women in uniform, i feel the burning desire to suit up with them and fight along side them.

                i feel so indebted to those men and women who gave their lives for me, for you, for each american, yes even the undeserving.

call me emotional, call me foolish, call me young and naive, but something strikes a chord within me when i see a man or woman in uniform. whether it's carrying the flag, getting on a plane, or picking up their children from school.

i know that by wearing that uniform, they have dedicated their lives to this country.

they have given up birthday parties, high school football games and every precious family moment.

their uniform says  to me in plain words, 'i don't want to, but if it's asked of me, i will die for you.'

they represent the good in this country. the people. they don't represent the politics, but the passion for liberty.

they represent an idea. an idea of freedom that was ignited in our founding father's hearts.

they represent a union that almost crumbled but came out even stronger.

they represent a brighter future for every child.

they represent faith in divine guidance. 

they represent each of us. now it is our turn, this fourth of july and everyday to give back to them. support, prayers, kind words, even just remembrance...the little things make the difference.

if there happens to be a member of the armed forces on his flight, my dad anonymously  gives up his first class seat to him/her.

thank you big brother and all your fellow cadets. thanks to all the armed forces. your sacrifice makes it possible for me to  sleep in peace tonight. i am proud of you and proud to be an american.

when all is said and done this quote sums it up:

"it is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press.
it is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech.
it is the soldier, not the organizer, who gave us the right to demonstrate.
it is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose
coffin in draped with the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag."
        -Father O'Brien, US Marine Corps

toby keith was right...american soldiers are exactly this:

and deserving of this: