Can I change? Do I actually have the ability to change? I wonder. I wonder if I have the power to make my life better. The hole I have dug is deep and scary. The hole I live in has become comfortable. I do not think I am worthy to change. I have made so many mistakes, but can I make it? Am I deserving of happiness NOW? I wonder. Can I make amends with the people I have hurt? Can I show them that I am not happy with my choices? Am I deserving of help from anyone including my Heavenly Father? I wonder. I wonder if I will be able to have a good relationship with the people I love the most. I wonder if I can become someone that deserves love.
I hope. I hope that I can change and make myself a better person. I hope that I will learn from my stupidity. I hope that change is possible. I hope that I can have good relationships in my life. Happiness in life is entirely a matter of choice. I have made the choice, can I make the change? I hope.
I am terrified. I am scared of making more wrong decisions. I am scared that I will end up alone.
I am sorry. I am sorry to those that I hurt. I am sorry for making your life a living heck. I am sorry you have to witness my life. I am sorry I am prideful.
I am humbled. I am empty inside feeling sick for the choices I have made.
I am lost. I am walking alone because I have pushed away everyone who would have put up with my attitude.
I am changing. Because when I think of you, my person, the only person I have, I start to cry. I am changing because I don't think I can live with myself. I am changing because I am tired of me.
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