The Truth about Me, Lucky Day

The sad truth is...I am imperfect. I am a being that makes mistakes everyday. No matter the effort, perfection is out of the question. I live in a hole. Physically and metaphorically. My hole is small and cramped. With all of my problems and mistakes, I am usually alone in my hole. Once in a while I make room for another person. I allow someone to be close to me. To be my good friend and "person" to turn to. Perhaps I even allow a romantic relationship to evolve. Sometimes there is room enough for 2. BUT more often than not, I do not make extra space for someone. My heart is a closed vault with cement and lasers guarding it. My pride is its defense, standing guard at all times ready to fight off any chance of an intruder. I am alone. Sometimes, I do not choose to be alone...no one really wants to be alone no matter their defensive pride. Sometimes, I am alone because I am comfortable alone. I do not want to break through the barrier. I fear that I am incapable of having people to be with. I have friends that I can chat casually with and friends that I can sit with in my classes, but I do not have friends to share my secrets with or be myself with. I fear that loneliness is in my future forever. No matter how hard I try to step outside my bubble, I remain enclosed and far off from people. I don't understand. I don't understand why I am going to a great university with great people and I can only manage distant friends. I hate being alone. I don't have room for 2. I don't have anybody.